I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
