I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
