is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
