i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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