oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
