i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
