i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
