my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
