I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
