I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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