Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
