you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
