a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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