Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
