Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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