Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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