If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
