He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
