it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
