all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
