i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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