how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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