i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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