Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
