weddingsv make me drug and hornr
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
