remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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