I'm jealous of your bromance
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
