My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize