this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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