dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
