I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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