The maid of honor just puked.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dignity is for republicans.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize