Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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