There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
