i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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