I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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