we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
