The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
