Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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