Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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