I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
