Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
