nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
