jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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