it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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