i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize