We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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