Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
