I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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