Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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