I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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