I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
