i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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