i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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