Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
