There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
