the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
