Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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