lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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