I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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