Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
