I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize