Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
