he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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